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Didiwompus
(ring) Hello? Hi, thi is Ewan with UPS. How you doing tonight, miss? I'm good, how are you? Fine. I've been trying to bring three, four parcels up 'ere, and no one's come to the door, each time that I'm up 'ere. Up where? What's the address you're trying to bring them to? I've got some plants and flowers you ordered. And uhh... I don't think I ordered any plants and flowers. Yeah, didiwompus. Wha, wha, What's the add-What is the address you're trying to deliver them to? I've got didiwompus, and I've got 'em on the truck. I've got two stops ahead of you, but I could be there in about forty-five minutes, if you're gonna answer the door this time, that's certainly no problem (echo). Ok? (echo). C.O.D., eighty-two dollars even. Oh, just take a hike, buddy. - (ring) (unintelligible) I've asked you three times, what is the fricking address you're trying to deliver them to? Is this Pam, or wha, who is this? What is the address you're trying to deliver them to?!? I've got the address right he- here on my tablet. Then say it to me! SAY IT! I've already been there three times, and you didn't answer the bell. Say the address buddy or I'm hanging up again! You can go to hell. I've got your didiwompus flowers right here. - (ring) Hello? Hi, is Pam there, please? No, she's not. This is Tom. Oh, Hi Tom. What's up? I need to talk to her about her delivery. There's no delivery dude. Uh, yeah, I've been up there three times, no one came to the door. So? So!?! So why are you calling this number? I mean, we didn't order any flowers. Didiwompus, is what they're called. (chuckle) Who cares? I do. I'm trying to do my job, and you're making that real difficult, as a matter a fact. Yeah, but your job has gone haywire. Is that a fact? You're absolutely, positively not gonna get a dime, ok? So why are you wasting your time? Well, I'll come back up there. I gota few stops to make on the way, but, ah, so you'll have to wait a few minutes. Dude, did you hear? We, we didn't order them... Pooninny. ...and we're not obligated to take some stupid delivery from some dick head that is harassing us by calling this number. Pooninny, that's the name of the plant. Huh? Pooninny and didiwompus. I got a big bundle of parcels here. So what?? So what? We didn't order them. (next two lines are delivered simultaneously, with the speakers talking over eachother) Do, Do you understand that, you are trying to deliver something, and... (LPC) Did you just cha...Did you just change your mind about (can't understand) ...we would never order anything that stupid. Ok? (LPC) I hear that all the time. People change their mind, oh 'I didn't order this, I didn't order that'. Hey, dude, oh yeah, right. You know what, why don't you just get with the program,(pitch down effect) step up to the plate, and answer your dawgone dorm bell next time I come up 'ere. Dude. Am I making myself clear? Am I understood? About what? About the fact - I got pooninnies, I got didiwompus, taking up a lot of space in my truck, and you're running me around. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, well, dude. Put Pam on the phone. OK Man. (in a lower voice, perhaps imitating LPC pitch down effects). I need a credit card number. Put her on the line. Hey, oh like that's gonna happen. Put her on the line, buddy. I mean, no. Are you telling me what to do? Sure am. Well, you can just stick it up your ass, ok? What are you gonna do about it? Not answer the door again? That's real neat. No, I will-You come to this door, I will answer it. I will be there. Ok. I got four stops ahead of me... Ok, no, who cares? My customers, my considerate customers. Not like you guys. Dude, you - Ok, you know what? My son-in-law is a police officer, he's a sergent with the Kansas City, Missouri police force... Oh, wow. ...he'll be waiting for you too. Ok? So come on. Kansas City police force. Let's, let's do it. Expect to spend the night in jail. (track end) Category:Special delivery